Some people really struggle when they have been single for some time.  They can spiral into bad decisions, such as excess eating, eating the wrong things, and spending too much on restaurant food to just get out of the house (which will have other ingredients they really wouldn’t want), and thus compromise their physical health.

Imagine you were fed donuts for breakfast every morning from the age of 3 until about 28 yo. Then you found out that eating donuts every day was contributing to a decline in your health or not allowing you to feel or look as good as your peers.

You then stop eating the donuts. What comes after that though? Cravings, withdrawals, and just feeling weird or like ’it doesn’t seem right’ to not have donuts. Perhaps your family taught you that donuts is good for strength and energy, so your own mind now tricks you to think you can’t have those things without donuts.  You can experience nostalgia due to memories attached to donuts with your upbringing. You can be sad that donuts are not an option, or at least nowhere near a daily option anymore.

But at the end of the day, you understand eating donuts every morning was only something that what was trained into you, and it wasn’t a wise idea. This understanding motivates you to keep choosing healthier options for breakfast, or just skipping breakfast altogether, despite how you may feel and despite that you miss donuts. You are just in a long-term transition away from donuts. You are in long-term donut recovery, and it is okay if that goes on the rest of your life to some degree, but hopefully it gets easier overtime.

Getting used to being single is similar to the donut analogy. It is not exactly the same because marriage can be wonderful, but it is only one possibility of life and does not need to be placed on a false expectation pedestal. When you struggle, call to mind the donut analogy. It may help to provide a more clear perspective of what you are really dealing with, help you to get through struggles with more ease, and keep yourself focused on your true goals.

When you can handle being single, particularly if you can just handle the ‘idea’ of being single for life (even if that’s not what you really want.  Consider also developing a plan for how that will look to keep you emotionally okay, such as having a roommate), it allows you to make better choices, whether that be remaining single for life or for a certain amount of time, or being a better chooser of future partners. It can also help you to not struggle as much. You can maintain a better level of emotional and mental balance and inner steadiness.